In this feature, VICTOR AYENI of Punch explores the social trend of Nigerian singles turning to digital matchmaking platforms in a bid to meet prospective suitors and why their desires might make them vulnerable to individuals with devious motives
When Olamide Oriowo entered a beauty spa located in one of the estates along the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway in Ogun State, her beauty illuminated the lounge like neon lights.
The 34-year-old native of Ekiti State appeared much younger than her age. Her well-coiffed hair complemented her smooth caramel skin, highlighting her “hourglass” figure.
Oriowo, a legal practitioner at a Lagos-based firm, is single. She attributes her single status to not having found “Mr Right” since her university days.
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She was at the spa when our correspondent visited, and when another client brought up the topic of matchmaking, she shared some of her negative experiences with men.
“It is as if I’ve not been that fortunate with guys,” she told Saturday PUNCH, “The first guy I ever dated in the university belonged to a different religion and I was not even bold enough to tell my parents because I knew it was dead on arrival. So that relationship eventually fizzled. He’s married now.
“After my graduation, I met someone else. He was handsome, smart, and professional, but he had a bad temper and we eventually broke up because I can’t marry someone who believes in hitting women to assert himself.
“Years later, I was in a relationship with a pastor’s son. He eventually told me that he was called to the ministry like his father. I couldn’t envision myself as a pastor’s wife, so we parted ways.
“In the few instances where concerned friends have match-make me with guys, the love is not often mutual; they will like me so much but I won’t just like them and I can’t marry a man that I am not physically or emotionally attracted to. I know I can’t mould the man that I want, but I have to be picky, can I?” she asked, with the sarcasm in her voice dripping like poisoned honey.
Oriowo admitted that while she does not put much trust in traditional matchmaking, she was willing to try out the digital methods due to her work schedule.
Her decision to embrace digital matchmaking aligns with the trend among many urban, professional singles across Nigeria.
Dating from offline to online
For decades, many Nigerian parents heavily relied on traditional routes of matchmaking which involved referrals from friends or relatives and they even consulted oracles or clerics to unravel the specific identity of prospective spouses.
However, with the advent of technology, matchmaking underwent a dramatic revolution through which with a mere signing up on a dating website, urban singles are introduced to platforms where they can meet an ideal partner.
Saturday PUNCH gathered that while online dating was prevalent in the early 2000s, it began to adopt aural and visual modes of linking partners up with the evolution of social media and digital apps which have brought people, time, and space together.
While many of these online matchmakings are mediated through a third-party agency that gets paid for the activity, others function as digital platforms that allow for user-free interactions and decision-making between potential partners.
With the increasing use of smartphones and Internet penetration across the country, online matchmaking platforms have become popular among the younger generation seeking love and companionship.
According to Statista, “in the online dating market, the number of users is expected to amount to 2.9 million users by 2029,” adding that “while online platforms provide a wide pool of potential partners, some Nigerians prefer the guidance and expertise of professional matchmakers.”
A Google search reveals matchmaking platforms like the MME Agency, Naija Matchmaker, Intimate Match, Elite Matchmaker Nigeria, Islamic Matchmaker, and Lagos Matchmaker, among several others.
Drama, desires, discord
One of the popular matchmaking platforms for social media users is the one hosted by Nigerian actor and singer, Kehinde Adams, popularly known as Lege Miami.
On his YouTube channel with over 38,200 subscribers, Adams frequently hosts live videos where a single male or female client is invited to choose between two potential opposite-gender clients for a matchmaking session.
With over 805,000 followers on Instagram, Adams’ matchmaking agency shares numerous videos, ranging from short reels to longer versions frequently posted on his YouTube and Facebook pages.
His mode of matchmaking is largely conversational and causal; a single individual is paired in a live video chat with two potential dates displayed on the screen, resembling the format of Google Meet.
Typically, Adams, as the host, introduces one individual and prompts the other two clients to reveal their names, ages, state of origin, occupations, genotypes, and whether they have children or not.
The host also instructs his clients to adjust their cameras, stand up, and turn around to showcase their physique to the prospective matches, who then indicate their interest or lack thereof.
In an interview he had with Wazobia FM Lagos, posted on its Instagram page on June 14, Adams disclosed that he charges his clients based on their age range.
He stated, “I charge N250,000 and that depends on the age. If you are between 30 to 65, you are paying N250,000 and if you are 22 to 29, you are paying N150,000. I have joined like 130 couples and if you notice, there is usually a banner at the back of my shield, those are the photos of those that I’ve matched together.
“There are some of them who are not ready to drop their videos or pictures for the testimony because we are still negotiating on that. Some of them are single mothers who remarried and they don’t want their ex-husbands to know them.”
In one of Adams’ videos posted on his Facebook page two weeks ago, which as of Thursday has been viewed by over 129,000 users, the actor told two female clients, “Ladies in their 30s might find (a husband) but it would be quite difficult for them to get a truthful man. Most of the time, they will find a liar.
“They could find a husband but wouldn’t be able to find a single guy who is not already a father. Even if such ladies find single guys, they are most likely going to find men with questionable morals, like those who lie, steal, or sleep around. It is easier for you to meet guys when you are aged between 25 and 26.”
In another video posted on Lege Miami’s Facebook page, which was viewed by our correspondent, a businesswoman from Ibadan named Tayo and an accountant named Yemisi expressed their desire to be matched with a young man named Kunle.
After assessing their physiques, Kunle could be heard saying, “Thank you so much Mr Lege, but I don’t so much like chubby ladies, and these ladies are both chubby. I like slim ladies, and that’s the reason why I cannot choose both of them.”
Adams, who was also present as the host, instructed the two ladies to disconnect from the video platform, after which two other ladies appeared on the screen to take their place.
One of them, a 29-year-old native of Osun State, identified as Mariam, said she had been searching for a partner for two years and works in the United Kingdom.
The second lady who gave her name as Lizzy, is a 25-year-old fashion designer and indigene of Ondo State. She was selected by Kunle after she turned out to be slim in figure.
To formalise their pairing, Adams ordered Kunle to choose between paying him N50,000 or prostrating to him and asking, “I beg to marry her (Lizzy).” He chose to prostrate and reiterated his willingness to date her.
In an interview with Saturday PUNCH, Adams argued that his platform is not for hookups (sexual affairs) but for single people whose relationships would lead to marriage.
He said, “If you check my YouTube channel, you will see that it is not meant for hook-up, but matchmaking for people who want to get married. I have never done ‘hook-up’. My platform is for people who are serious about getting married. I also have testimonials from people who got married through the platform and are living happily.”
In a separate interview, the actor noted that “celebrities such as Bimbo Thomas, Wumi Toriola, Folorunsho Adeola (Arike Gold) and Eniola Badmus have also reached out to me. But, Eniola Badmus is very picky; though I have connected her to someone. However, I don’t know what is happening between them.”
Adams, however, admitted that some of the men who use his platform have devious motives.
He added, “Some of them are Internet armed robbers because they would go through my comments section, see someone they like and send the person a message without my knowledge.
“If things go well between them, I don’t get to know. But, if things turn sour, they begin to call me out, and I don’t like such. Most of the people who fall victim to things like that actually bypass the process.”
Yahoo boy, threesome seeker
A perusal of several of Lege Miami’s videos shows that he frequently blends humour with occasional imprecatory words in the Yoruba language during his interactions with his numerous clients.
For instance, in a live video posted on his Instagram page on Wednesday viewed by our correspondent, Adams asked a 34-year-old man who gave his name as Ayomide what his occupation was.
“What kind of business are you doing, I want to know?” the actor asked. After a moment of hesitation, Ayomide replied, “I am a Yahoo boy (Internet fraudster).”
In an exasperated tone, Adams responded, “You said you are 34 years old, why are you behaving like this? Take a look at the lady you want to match with, even if I don’t say anything to avoid the accusation of people that I’m judging others.
“There’s no way that this lady will marry you and it will seem as if I didn’t do my job. You are not in the same category. You will get caught by the EFCC, you jinxed fellow.”
In another video shared by Amara Gist on June 20, which was also seen by our correspondent, a lady who gave her name as Hasiya described herself as a business tycoon when asked about her occupation.
Explaining herself more clearly, the 38-year-old added, “I am into the transportation business. I own Keke NAPEP.”
During the video chat, Hasiya could be seen momentarily thrown into a frenzy when a generic electricity alarm sounded off, indicating that electric power had just been restored to her area.
To this, Adams, ordered, “Remove yourself. I am not comfortable with you.”
With mordant invective, Hasiya responded, “You will not be comfortable. That is how you call people and insult them. See this man, are you mad? That’s how you used to do, I don’t even need a husband from you.
“Which matchmaking have you ever done? Because you think I’m Hausa, you are just whining me. You will be ordering people to stand up, sit down, move back, let me see your bum bum. You too shift back. I am fully ready for you.
“I will not remove myself, if you like remove me. You just want people to see my body but you don’t get a spouse for me. Yes, I’m 38 years old, you too how old are you? Where is your wife? You are always alone, loneliness will kill you.”
In another video clip posted on January 6, and seen by our correspondent, a client named Habeeb disclosed his willingness to Adams to match with another lady named Doyin.
Turning his camera towards two ladies reclining on his bed, Habeeb, dressed in a jalabiyya, informed Adams of his desire for Doyin to join them for a threesome.
“If she go like join our threesome, me I like to do it three-three. Doyin, I don get two already, so I go just add am join,” Habeeb could be heard saying in Pidgin English.
A visibly shocked Doyin could be seen on the other end of the video, covering her mouth with her palm and shaking her head in disbelief.
In his response, Adams said, “Guy, let’s do it this way, if you have a woman die on you will be locked in jail, so no, go away.”
To this, the client vented in the Yoruba language, “Don’t you know who you are talking with? Do you want me to shoot your mother dead? Ask about me around from those who are alive, I’m really crazy. Why can’t she join the other two ladies? She will just be in the middle of the two.”
Pointing at his prayer rosary (tesbih) hanging on the wall, he added, “Look at my rosary, I pray well, so no evil thing will happen to us. In fact, we will all pray before we have sex. Ask the lady herself if she doesn’t want to do this, let her speak for herself.”
Reiterating that Habeeb who identified himself as a Muslim ought to know better, Adams responded, “Please Doyin, don’t say anything to him again. Habeeb, please go away from here.”
Checks by Saturday PUNCH showed that there were other several Nigerian matchmaking groups created on Facebook for potential dates to pair up.
One of the public groups joined by our correspondent, Meet Your Match, has about 1.3 million members and was “designed for serious matchmaking where single men and ladies who are ready to mingle, interact and possibly find their better half can meet.”
On the platform, singles are expected to mingle by posting their biodata, appended to attractive photos of their choice that would serve as a means of socially engaging with other singles.
One of the members designated as a “top contributor,” Prince Samuel, posted a photo of his upcoming wedding to his fiancé, Chidimma, whom he indicated he met through the group.
In another public Facebook group joined by our correspondent, Matchmaking for Marriage, with over 50,000 members, interested singles are expected to introduce themselves and specify the kind of partners they want before their posts are approved by the group moderator.
Singles’ opinions differ
Interestingly, despite the opportunities offered by online matchmaking, some singles in their 30s who spoke with Saturday PUNCH expressed scepticism about the effectiveness of the process.
A teacher, Temitope Johnson said, “I cannot opt for match-making agencies on social media because most people present themselves in a false, inflated or misleading way.
“Some of them are dishonest about their age and relationship status. They give false information about themselves and they could have toxic behaviours like being physically abusive. Except I see the leading of God about a person I meet on social media, I can’t go for matchmaking on social media.”
An entrepreneur, Folagbade Odusina, pointed out that while social media matchmaking has worked out for some people it has not done so for others.
“I would like to know your character, so we start as friends. I am not disputing those who develop good vibes from social media, but I prefer to meet someone offline because that way we interact without the kind of filter that social media confers on people,” he added.
Expressing a dissenting opinion, a fashion designer, Lilian Bright, said, “Social media matchmaking is good. You can meet a person offline and he or she will still deceive you. But when you interact to a certain degree on social media, you can tell who they are.”
Also speaking with our correspondent, a chef, Paul Owodunni, described digital matchmaking as a social trend that is here to stay and should be properly regulated to win more trust.
“No matter what we say, the times have changed and we are in the digital era so the tide of dating has also changed. Now, with your smartphones, you can communicate, see who you are chatting with, track locations, check up claims, and interview people without meeting physically,” he opined.
Why many are still single
Commenting on why there are many single men and women in their late 30s in the Nigerian dating landscape, an economist, Oluwaseun Wusu, explained, “With the inflation around us and declining purchasing power of an average citizen, when you consider the costs involved in weddings, renting an apartment, buying a car, healthcare, raising a family, education costs and other needs, you will understand why some singles would want to wait to have more financial stability.
“Some Nigerian graduates living in an urban city like Lagos are still earning a salary of less than N100,000 amidst the high standard of living in terms of feeding, transportation, energy, and accommodation costs, not to mention, the alarming rate of youth unemployment and underemployment.
“There is also a way the Nigerian system wastes people’s years. By the time you factor in the years spent seeking admission, the years of university strike actions, and years spent looking for employment, by the time you are ready to settle down, you may be close to your 30s or already in it, except you are fortunate.”
Also speaking with our correspondent, an auditor/accountant, Peter Nwokem, highlighted that some single men and women could not find the right partners while they were in the university, during their youth service, and early in their careers.
He added, “Most times, it becomes somewhat difficult to find someone who can be committed to you or serious with when you are being overwhelmed with much work, being career-oriented, taking on professional courses at the detriment of your social life.
“There could also be financial reasons, especially for firstborns who shoulder responsibilities in their families and this propels them to build their financial capacity. With the way our economy is right now, if you are earning N500,000, you are barely surviving, now imagine someone still earning N200,000 and they are men, will they even think about marriage? Unless they just want to live without being financially capable, they won’t want to rush into such a major life decision as marriage.”
‘Sincerity should guide matchmaking’
Commenting on digital matchmaking methods, a tech expert, Abisola Olatunde, told Saturday PUNCH, “It’s a good initiative if both parties are sincere about who they are if there’s some level of trust, and both parties are willing to show their true identity without being ashamed of being rejected.
“If these rules are set and respected, we can be sure of about 90 per cent success of digital matchmaking, otherwise, there will be a lot of troubles if any of the party finds out that what he or she claims to have wasn’t true at first. That distrust can undermine the good intentions of such platforms.”
However, an author, Deji Yesufu, opined that marriage “is too difficult a business for one to simply go on social media, fetch a spouse, and hope to live happily ever after with this person.”
He added, “Two things are very clear to me from Lege’s shows: first, there is a deep yearning for companionship in our world today. Social media has made it worse by increasing our tendencies towards individualisation with our increased attention to electronic devices.
“Rather than people building relationships with real people, people prefer virtual relationships. The marriage institution has not been helped with this phenomenon. Second, while people yearn for relationships, they are again returning to social media to find a solution to this problem. This is one reason the Lege Miami thing is not likely to work.”
He further stated that “in a marriage, money, looks, and physical appearances are the most brittle factors. Due to these factors, a person may leave their marriage after just a year.”
Online matchmaking could cause depression – Mental health expert
A mental health expert, Dr Bright Oris-Ohwerhi, in an interview with Saturday PUNCH, highlighted some of the negative implications of digital matchmaking.
He said, “One of these is the impact on self-esteem if one is rejected when they make advances at a person, it can also lead to anxiety and depression.
“People can even become overwhelmed with the stress of decision-making due to the abundance of choices. We term this decision fatigue. Lastly, people become somewhat addicted to dating apps because of the gaming pattern of the matchmaking platforms.”