Heartbroken after two failed relationships with men, 30-year-old Queen Obukoko, born with male and female sex organs, tells Godfrey George how she impregnated two women with her dominant male organ, the stigma associated with being intersex, and the dream to one day get married to a man she loves after undergoing a gender reassignment surgery.
Growing up, Queen Obukoko knew she was different. Although physically, she looked like other girls, her voice was deep and huskier than that of boys her age.
Also, she noticed a penis-like growth around her groin. Confused, her parents thought it was a benign growth and tried everything to ‘treat’ it.
In an interview on Facebook with media personality, Lucky Udu, Obukoko said she became conscious of her condition when she turned 15.
Sunday PUNCH had also earlier interviewed Queen, where she explained her condition in detail.
Then, she was still with her first female partner.
“When I was young, I wasn’t conscious of my body until I clocked 15 years. One day, I was playing around with my friends in school and became pressed, so I went to ease myself with other girls.
“Anytime I want to ease myself, I usually feel the urge to do so through a particular genital. It could come from the female or the male side. But on that day, the urge came from the male genital,” Obukoko recalled.
The 30-year-old said as she was relieving herself, she received the biggest embarrassment of her life.
“All my friends who went to ease themselves with me called other people to look at me. They wondered how I would be standing to urinate as a woman.
“They said it was not right and something must be wrong with me. Then, a few of them came in front of me to find out how I could stand up to ease myself. They saw that I had a penis and some of them ran away, while others looked at me in wonder,” she said.
Since that day, according to Obukoko, life has not remained the same.
Whenever she feels the urge to relieve herself and there is no restroom nearby, the 30-year-old said she gets entrapped by the wandering eyes of passers-by, who stare in awe at how a woman could stand to urinate.
She said, “The last time it happened to me, someone even made a video and posted it on social media, asking people if they had ever seen a woman standing to pee.
“He had first questioned me on why I was standing to pee. I explained everything to him, and he still posted the video on social media. That’s why I decided to tell people that I’m a hermaphrodite, which according to the Longman Dictionary means a living thing that has both male and female sexual organs.”
Speaking of how her life changed since the incident, Obukoko said she became more conscious of her body and started urinating at hidden places to avoid being embarrassed.
She said, “I changed the pattern of my dressing and started to wear big outfits. If I am pressed and have to ease myself, I look for a hidden place and stand to pee so I don’t get embarrassed. If I don’t find a hidden place, I’ll hold back the urine till I get home.”
Blackmailed, failed relationship with men
Obukoko said she also struggled to maintain romantic relationships with men as most of them, upon finding out about her condition, abandoned or began to extort money from her.
She said, “People outside my family didn’t know I am intersex, except those I tell on my own. As for men, I get checked out but the romance doesn’t always last.”
If a relationship is fostered, Obukoko said along the line, it breaks down once the men find out she is intersex.
She said, “If I tell them who I am, some will stay back, while others will not even reply to my messages again. Some will pretend to be cool with it but once I show them how it looks, they will run away.
“Some even pretend to still love me despite the condition but they would take a picture of it and use it to blackmail and extort me. I remember a man threatened to post my nudes on social media if I didn’t pay him to be hush.”
Obukoko said she kept paying the man for months to hide her secrets until she got tired.
“I remembered that he was the one who insisted on having a video chat and told me to show him my genitals. I didn’t know he made a screen recording and started using the picture to blackmail me.
“He even promised to send me $20, but ended up blackmailing me. I shared this with my friends who told me to call his bluff and let him do his worst.”
Saddened by the blackmail, especially coming from someone she trusted and exposed her nudity to, and the failed romantic relationships she experienced with other men, Obukoko stopped dating men and decided to be with women instead.
After all, according to her, she has a functioning manhood.
Impregnating women
Her decision, she revealed to Sunday PUNCH, led to the birth of two lovely children.
Speaking about the first lady she dated, the 30-year-old said they were together for a short while and even had a son together.
“We parted ways because she told her people that she couldn’t bring me out as the father of the baby,” she said with a grin.
“She’s ashamed to show the world that an intersex person is the father of her child. She took the child from me and ran away. But we both know that I’m the father of the boy.”
Asked if she still sees the child, she replied, “I see the child every three months.”
Even though the relationship did not work out as expected, Obukoko was undeterred and went into another romantic relationship that lasted three years with another girl.
“The 24-year-old lady gave birth to a baby girl about a month ago,” she revealed.
Like mother, like daughter
But Obukoko said the newborn might have taken after her intersex nature as she discovered some traits similar to hers.
Expressing concerns, Obukoko said, “I’m scared to say it, this baby girl that is just a month old is intersex. I don’t want my child to pass through what I’m experiencing right now. We want to do surgery for her, but I’m scared.
“I’ve not made any inquiries because when the child was born, everything was confusing. The male organ was small and that was how I was. Everything my mum told me about myself is the same as the baby. I am afraid and confused right now, and I don’t know what to do.”
In a medical research published in an online health repository, Cleveland Clinic, it was noted that some intersex traits could be genetically inherited.
According to the site, being intersex might occur due to changes to an androgen hormone receptor gene. Natural or synthetic hormone exposure occurs during embryo development.
Asked if Obukoko was ready to carry out corrective surgery on herself, she answered in the negative.
“I don’t have the money for that right now. The money I have, I am using it to take care of my children. I am also saving, but the money is not enough to carry out the surgery,” she said.
Attracted to women
Obukoko noted that she is more attracted to women than men.
The lady, who said she is a certified hairstylist, said, “That (the attraction) was why I stopped working as a stylist. I’m always attracted to my female customers.”
Asked if she intended to marry her current partner, she said, “No, I don’t intend to marry her, but her people are on my neck, asking me to marry her because she has a child for me.
“No one would believe I am the father of the child. They always look at me as a woman. I don’t want to get involved in marriage now. But in the future, when I get my surgery done, I will marry a man and live a good life,” she said with optimism.
Also, Queen broadcast pictures with her second partner who had reportedly birthed her second child, a baby girl, all over her TikTok, Facebook and Instagram pages.
In one of the videos, seen by our correspondent, the lady categorically said Queen was the ‘father’ of her baby.
“This is the father of the child,” she said, gesturing to Queen who carried the baby on her lap.
Congratulations from netizens also poured in for the ‘couple’.
Obukoko’s brother, who refused to disclose his name for personal reasons, said although he did not live with her while growing up, he knew of her condition.
He said when family members noticed it, they had to accept her for who she was, as there was nothing they could do.
“All we needed to do was to show her love and care. That is how we’ve been so far. Our parents are okay with it. It has not really been easy with her.”
Obukoko’s brother said the 30-year-old, had on several occasions, contemplated suicide.
“We kept encouraging her to continue to hold on. It was hard living with her condition,” he added.
Another brother of the 30-year-old, who identified himself as Ken Ten on Facebook, told our correspondent that Queen was born that way.
Responding to further enquiries by Sunday PUNCH, Ten, who said the family hailed from Ughelli in Delta State, said, “Queen is my younger sister. She is my blood, and that’s how she was born.
“I am amazed people are doubting Queen. We are from Ughelli. Go and ask around. They will tell you.
“She was born like that. How can anybody be joking with anything as serious as that? She travelled to Abuja to meet with Udu for the interview.
“All she needs now is emotional support. She is not asking for money. She is asking for understanding and support,” he said.
Intersex explained
A medical doctor, Thomas Adesina, noted that people who are intersex have reproductive or sexual anatomy that does not fit into an exclusively male or female (binary) sex classification.
“You may never notice their intersex traits externally and you might only find out about them after a surgery or imaging test,” he noted.
A Consultant Urologist, Dr Taiwo Alabi, also said many assessments, examinations, and tests would need to be conducted on young children to determine their exact sex.
“It is a good thing if the child was presented early at a hospital. Now, experienced physicians will run a series of tests to determine whether the child is male or female. Once this is done, further recommendations can be made,” he added.
Regarding the causes of the medical condition, Alabi explained, “Intersex children can be formed when there is an abnormality that makes the sex-determining factor of the Y chromosome ineffective.
“So, many intersex people might have XXY; some might have XY, but with a defective sex-determining region instead of the typical XX (for female) and XY (for male).”
Another Consultant Urologist, Professor Gabriel Ogah, emphasised that intersex persons should be treated as individual cases, as each person might present with unique characteristics.
He said, “If we say someone is intersex, it means biologically, the person does not align with one particular sex. It is an in-between condition because normal sex or endo-sex is defined as having XY chromosomes for males and XX for females.
“When someone exhibits in-between features, it may be due to a genetic anomaly. The chromosomes might deviate from the norm. Instead of XX or XY, the person might be XXY, XXYY, or YYX. The person might have a penis or may not, may have a uterus or may not, or may have a combination of these features.
“When an individual is intersex, they must be thoroughly assessed by a physician, who will place them into a specific category. The category assigned will guide the treatment approach, determining whether the person requires surgery and, if so, of what kind.”
According to the Cleveland Clinic, being intersex can present in about 40 different ways. The most common intersex traits include a combination of chromosomes and mixed genitals and sex organs.
It stated, “Everyone inherits sex-linked chromosomes from their parents. People who are male have XY chromosomes. People who are females have XX chromosomes.
“People who are intersex may have a mix of chromosomes, such as XXY. Or they may have some cells that are XY and some cells that are XX. Or they may have just one X chromosome (XO). Other combinations can occur too.”
Credit: Punch
